Resolution

It’s the first of the year and I’m going to lose weight

so I’ll bounce out of bed when I wake.

I shall weigh all the food that I put on my plate

when I’ve had just one more slice of cake.

It’s the first of the year and I’m planning to write

in a diary backed with gold foil.

I have filled up my pen, but the page is so bright

I’m afraid it is too nice to spoil.

It’s the first of the year and I’m joining the gym;

I shall tone up from tiptoes to crown.

I shall stretch and lift weights and become fit and slim,

but first I shall have a sit down.

It’s the first of the year and I’m giving up booze

since last night, when I fell on the cat.

I’ll try to be sober. Can I be excused

to lift two or three glasses to that?

Fifty Shades of Bay

Oh, THAT feels better.

Fifty Shades of Bay

He sidled up to her by the hedge, and he rubbed on the hitching rail.
He said, ‘Got my eye on you, my sweet,’ and he switched his handsome tail.

Her ears went back and she tossed her head. She whinnied and rolled her eyes,
but she lipped her bit and held back her cries of wonder at his size.

‘Fancy a game, my dear?’ he asked. ‘What’s your name, my pretty filly?’

‘I won’t play games with a stud like you. I’m not so jolly silly.’

‘Don’t fret,’ neighed the horse in melodious tone, as his crest swelled up with pride.
‘There’s a bridle path of delight near here which offers a splendid ride.
So gallop with me, abandon yourself to the search for your Inner Mare
and race with me to my private field. I’ll tie you to me there.
I’ll saddle and bridle you fifty ways and rub you with wisps of hay,
so all your birthdays will come at once, 'cos my name is Christmas Bay.’