I disengaged the phone call blocker this morning in case the hospital Waiting List secretary tried to call. (My call blocker doesn't like switchboards because they are, de facto, Number Withheld.)
Immediately I got a cold call from an unintelligible lifestyle survey man, on a spoofed "local" number that has already called twice today (well, Blackpool is more local to Cumbria than wherever this call really came from).
-Good monning Ma-am, how are you todday?
-I'm fine, how are you?
-I am calling from Life Style Survey.
-Whoopee.
-Ma-am, ve are recodding dis call for training pupposes
-Oh goody. (Well, it's lunchtime and the Waiting List secretary has returned her phone number to switchboard, so I'm not missing anything there.)
-Your telephone number is: o von fife tree six tree six nine...
-Dear me, no, you've got that all wrong...(I give him the correct number)
Long silence punctuated with an occasional Um...
-Your telephone number is: o von fife tree six tree six nine?
-No. (I give him the correct number again.)
Long silence...
-What number are you trying to call, dear?
He gives up trying to correct his data.
-You are Miss Christina Millud?
-No, there's nobody here called Christina Millud.
-You are family member?
-No, there's nobody here called Christina Millud.
Long silence...
(I give him my real name out of pity.)
-You are living at Dee Back, Grin Hom?
-Certainly not.
-You are living at Dee Back, Grin Hom?
-No.
Another long silence.
-You post cud is CA tin tree TA?
-Well done, have a coconut.
-Ma-am, you post cud is CA tin tree TA?
-Yes, dear.
-You are owning your house? renting?... (to be honest I couldn't actually tell what he was rattling off, but the list is so predictable I know what he's asking, so I tell him I own it.)
-What age bracket do you fall into? tventyfive to tirtyfour, tirtyfive to fottyfour, fottyfive to...
-I don't.
-Ma-am, what age bracket do you fall into?
-I don't fall into anything. Such a trial to get out.
-What age bracket do you fall into? tventyfive to tirtyfour, tirtyfive to fottyfour, fottyfive to...
-Christmas.
-Ma-am, what age bracket do you fall into? tventyfive to tirtyfour, tirtyfive to fottyfour, fottyfive to...
(At this point I lie. Doing my best shouty voice.)
-Ma-am, what newspaper do you rid?
-I don't.
-You don't rid newspaper?
-No.
-Are you smoking any cigarette?
-I don't smoke.
He's getting the idea now.
-What is your annual incom? fifteen to tventy thou--
-What the hell do you need to know for? I'm not going to tell you that.
Long silence.
I'd kept him on the phone a good ten minutes by the time I hung up.
The bloody system called me from the same number five minutes later.
I've reconnected the call blocker. I will call the Waiting List secretary instead of waiting for her to call me.
The bloody system has just called me AGAIN from the same number.
I have blocked it.
No comments:
Post a Comment