Thursday, May 23, 2013


Not being a very political animal I am not going to be drawn into today's wrangles as seen on Facebook and the daily rags.

Instead here's a bit of whimsy sparked by an oddly worded post on a recycling web forum. The actual wording is true. I just jazzed the rest up a bit.



Social Services in Carlisle today refused to comment on the case of Wayne Empire, the boy who was found sleeping in a narrow wardrobe last Wednesday teatime.

Wayne, a lively toddler of two and a half, has lived until now with his mother Ms V. Empire (22) known as Vanda, in a one bedroomed flat in Harraby. There were no beds in the flat and only minimal furniture.

Neighbours did not suspect anything was wrong until a Carlisle FreeCycle advertisement alerted a local nurse to the unusual conditions of the Empire household.

Small or narrow pine wardrobe or tallboy wanted for my little boy as
he's outgrowing his chest of drawers!

SRN Mary Wilson (52) said, “I recognised Vanda’s e mail address and was appalled. I went straight round, but she refused my offer of the bunk bed my grandchildren used to use. She even laughed. Of course I called out Social Services straight away.”

“Vanda seemed such a nice girl,” said next-door neighbour Tom Robinson (78). “She always looked a bit pale and she didn’t go out much, but I thought that was just her care for the little lad. I was really shocked to find out how she was keeping him.”

Empire’s ex-boyfriend Vic Timson has not been seen at the flat for several months. “Vanda and Vic seemed very close,” said the manager of the local Spar shop, Hilary Leadbetter (38). “She always hung on his arm when they came in to buy their tea. I don’t know why he left her.”

Empire’s background is unclear but it is understood that her family sought asylum in Britain some twenty years ago and were admitted because they had suffered persecution on religious grounds.

“When my partner left we only had a table, a chair and a chest of drawers between us,” dark-haired Ms Empire explained, when interviewed yesterday. “That was fine while Wayne was little but he’s growing so fast now.”

Asked why she did not let Wayne sleep in a bed, Ms Empire said it was her religious conviction that he should sleep as she and all her relatives did. Further investigation has revealed that she spends the night hanging by her heels from the hook on the back of the bedroom door.

“I thought a tallboy would be safer for Wayne because it could be closed. But someone on FreeCycle was willing to donate a wardrobe so I took that. I thought it would give him more room to grow.”

Empire made a plea for the return of her son: “He’s everything in the world to me,” she said. “Nobody can care for him like I do.”

Wayne is now being looked after by foster carers. His location is being kept a close secret but Sharrocks, the Preston produce merchants, have been seen delivering large strings of garlic bulbs to a location in the Rickerby Park area.

Police at Carleton Hall headquarters were unwilling to comment on the case.


REMINDER - THIS IS FICTION. Most people will realise that, but having read some very odd comments recently on blogs and on FB... you never can tell.

~~ THE FORTHRIGHT SAGA ~~ Nothing ever happens in an English country town ... does it? Nora Forthright and her grandson Wayne stumble through the fictional Cumbrian towns of Dangleby and Pullet St Mary, putting things right entirely by accident.
and on Amazon

1 comment:

fimex said...

Thanks for sharing, it was an interesting read!